Communicating Effectively with Children
How to Listen and Talk to Children Successfully
Oct 28, 2008
Young children often don’t do as they are told and resist cooperating, much to the chagrin of their parents. But when a child refuses to cooperate, something inside them actually wants or needs something else, says Dr. John Gray, author of Children are from Heaven [Sydney: Pan Macmillan Australia, 1999]. He adds, “Usually when children resist cooperating, they need something a little deeper. They need to be understood and loved and then they just need a hug.”
In essence, that means taking time to listen to children and identifying the children’s feelings, wants, wishes and needs. Gray strongly advises parents to spare a few minutes to truly listen to their children instead of waiting for their resistance to build up and explode later.
The Art of Listening
So what is effective listening? Myra Grisdale, Janet Cater and Michael Morton-Evans, authors of Why Won’t my Child Listen? [Sydney: Simon & Schuster, 2005] list four important parts in effective listening: making eye contact, watching body language, making “being heard” gestures and waiting for the child to finish talking before saying anything.
When talking to a child, parents should come down to the child’s height so that they can look into his eyes. This allows them to determine the child’s true emotions, which in turn allows parents to respond accordingly. Parents should mind their body language too when listening to a child. It’s best to give the child all the attention he needs instead of doing something else while attempting to lend the child an ear.
A child also needs to know that he’s being heard. Parents can show this by nodding from time to time and showing the appropriate facial expressions when the child is talking. Then, wait until the child has stopped talking before giving any comments, suggestions or even objections.
Communicating Clearly
Once parents have mastered the art of effective listening, they need to work on expressing themselves clearly. Children don’t always understand what is being said and often complete only part of the tasks given. So be clear. One of the best approaches to make sure the child understands what his parents say is to ask him to repeat what has just been said. Parents should also avoid burdening the child with too many tasks or questions at the same time. A young child simply doesn’t have the ability to concentrate on too many things all at once!
Using Appropriate Language
Grisdale, Cater and Morton-Evans define this as using a language that a child understands and giving him instructions in a way that he will comprehend. There is little point in using the same kind of language with a six-year-old that parents would use with an adolescent or grown-up, they say. Speak to young children in short, clear sentences. Avoid baby talk too as this is just as inappropriate.
Another good strategy in effective communication is for parents to tell children what they want the children to do instead of just pointing out what they have done wrong. For instance, instead of saying “Your room is messy all the time,” say “Please tidy up your room and put all your clothes away in the closet.”
Respecting the Child’s Feelings
Some parents have the tendency to talk about their children, particularly their unpleasant habits, in front of others as if the children do not exist. Avoid putting a child down like this as this can be a big blow to his self-esteem. Parents with two or more children should also give attention and praises (when these are earned) equally to all children and acknowledge their uniqueness instead of expecting the same achievements from all the children.
Child psychologists and experts agree that the key to effective communication with children is through effective listening, followed up with parents expressing themselves clearly to their children. Other important things to remember is using the correct language and considering the child’s feelings when talking.
Found this article useful? Read also Communication Skills for Parents and How to Have a Good Relationship with Kids.
 |
